Chuck Norris Facts

These are additions to the Chuck Norris facts by my Internet friends and by me. Most of them are kinda geeky (or even computer geeky), but some are more generic.

Chuck Norris Facts

• Chuck Norris wrote a complete Perl 6 implementation in a day, but then destroyed all evidence with his bare hands, so no-one will know his secrets.
• Chuck Norris refactors 10 million lines of Perl code before lunch.
• Chuck Norris is his own boss. If you hire him, he’ll tell your boss what to do.
• Chuck Norris read the entire English Wikipedia in 24 hours. Twice.
  
  • Actually, he wrote it in 24 hours. Twice. The first time longhand in blood. The second time he typed it in from memory (Drew Roberts).
• Chuck Norris does not code; when he sits at a computer, it just does whatever he wants. (Kattana)
• Chuck Norris commits with a roundhouse kick into the SVN server’s head. (daxim)
• Chuck Norris is the test suite. (FurnaceBoy)
• Chuck Norris doesn’t make mistakes. (Su-Shee) He corrects God.
• Chuck Norris is the ghost author of the entire Debian GNU/Linux distribution. And he wrote it in 24 hours, while taking snack breaks.
  
  • He published Slackware under the pseudonym of Patric Volkerding. (Su-Shee)
• Chuck Norris doesn’t commit changes, the changes commit for him. (araujo)
• Code is too scared of Chuck Norris to be wrong.
• Bugs are too afraid to reproduce on Chuck Norris’ computer. As a result, when he uses Microsoft Windows, it behaves just like a Linux system.
• Chuck Norris has actually been using Perl 6 since 1987, and has been waiting for Larry to play catch-up. (dukeleto)
• Chuck Norris is a real programmer. He writes programs by implementing the most optimised machines for them using real atoms.
• Wikipedia deletionists, beware! If you delete Chuck Norris’ Wikipedia Submission, he will delete you!
  
  • Deletionists delete Wikipedia articles. Chuck Norris deletes deletionists who delete Wikipedia articles.
  • Deletionists delete Wikipedia articles that they consider lame. Chuck Norris deletes Deletionists whom he considers lame.
  • Deletionists delete Wikipedia articles that they consider lame. Chuck Norris deletes Deletionists whom he considers lame, for deleting Wikipedia articles that he doesn’t consider lame.
• There are no deletionists. Only Wikipedia articles Chuck Norris allows to live. (joeyadams)
• Wikipedia deletionists don’t delete lame Wikipedia articles. Chuck Norris deletes lame Wikipedia articles.
• No one knows all of Perl - not even Larry Wall. Except Chuck Norris, who knows all of Perl 5, Perl 6 and can answer questions about the design of Perl 7.
• Chuck Norris reads all messages posted to LKML (= the Linux Kernel Mailing List), understands them all, and he kills all gnomes he sees in sight.
  
  • Fortunately for Alan Cox, Chuck hasn’t visited Swansea yet.
  • Here’s the context for this in case you do not get the joke.
• When Chuck Norris uses Gentoo, “emerge kde” finishes in under a minute. A computer cannot afford to keep Chuck waiting for too long.
• Chuck Norris is the greatest man in history. He killed all the great men who could ever pose a competition.
• “My only boss is God. And Chuck Norris who is his boss.”
• When Chuck Norris uses git, he takes a coffee break after initiating every git commit. And then waits for the commit to finish.
  
  • Here’s the context for this.
• Chuck Norris can make the statement “This statement is false.” a true one.
• Chuck Norris can end world hunger, but he thinks that hungry people make humanity a more challenging adversary. If everyone had enough to eat, it would be too easy for him.
• Chuck Norris writes understandable Perl code.
• Chuck Norris can read Perl code that was RSA encrypted.
• Chuck Norris once wrote a 10 million lines C++ program in Microsoft Notepad without having to use the backspace key. And it compiled without errors or warnings, and was 100% bug-free.
• Chuck Norris has 50 years of proven experience in PHP/MySQL/Java. Each.
• If the mountain will not come to Muhammad, then Muhammad will go to the mountain. If the mountain will not come to Chuck Norris, then the mountain will suffer Norris’s wrath for not complying with his whims.
• Chuck Norris has 0 messages in his E-mail inbox. Including already read ones.

Copyright and Licence

This document is Copyright by Shlomi Fish, 2010, and is available under the terms of the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License 3.0 Unported (or at your option any later version).

For securing additional rights, please contact Shlomi Fish and see the explicit requirements that are being spelt from abiding by that licence.